What is LOVE all about.....???

Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.” Mature love says, “I need you because I love you.”
~Erich Fromm

                                        This whole week..... wherever I go, its like Valentine's day special....gifts, roses, teddies and the list goes on.................. So, I thought that the concept of  Lover's day has gained that much importance universally that people make this day as something part of their lives. Yes...tats ok...but still my only doubt is whether they really mean the exact 'purpose' of the day and whether tat purpose is served or not..... Is valentine's day just a means of  entertainment or enjoyment with 'tat special someone' or is it a day that gives an opportunity to express your love to your soul-mate in an exact way that you wanted to? Is there a necessity for something like this day? 

                                     I wonder whether nowadays people, especially the adolescent boys and girls really understand the meaning of love or is it something like a means of 'timepass' for them. Wherever we turn about, we can see young boys and girls going together while cutting their classes and jus passing their precious time like tat, in an young age where they can accomplish great things in their life. But actually, according to me, what they think and do lyk tis at this age is not love but it can be mentioned with some other words like infatuation, attraction, lust and so on....Yes, its b'coz of their age and the physical and psychological hormone changes in their body that make them go into something like love affairs ( puppy love) which is so childish, ruining their entire future and career. 

                                  Ok...then if this is so, what is 'true love' all about? I donno to give poetic or cinematic definitions like "love is like the sky,stars..." and so on.... But when thinking practically, this is a gist of what I got exactly in ma mind abt the word 'love' : 

Love....I mean, the love which blossoms between a young man and woman can be held on till their death only if its a sensible and matured one unlike the other attractions and infatuations. Maybe, the physical attractions and appearances may be the first step to start a love relationship between two souls, but this factor is only a temporary thing and with this attraction and desire alone a love relationship can't last at all. In my opinion, a true love is the one which doesn't gets break-up at ANY situation in life other than one of the persons' death. So, literally, if we deeply think about this statement, it becomes possible and true only when both of them mutually have the same feelings and understanding and sharing for each other, right? not in a one-sided manner. Without knowing this fact, I feel pity for so many young souls, who fall in love with someone in an one-sided manner and go on lamenting and go into other unwanted habits, mistaking it as true love. So, basically, if its love, it MUST be double-sided to be a successful one. Some of the attributes of love that flashes into my mind currently are 'giving and taking' attitude, care, affection, being supportive, admiring, appreciating, missing, liking, being faithful and truthful, transparency, sharing and so on.... In a nutshell, perfect love is something like loving and accepting and liking the other person as a whole with all of their imperfections. After all, no man in this world is perfect! Also, a pair can lead their life successfully only when they are always in phase with each other, in the sense that, they are compatible and comfortable with each other. It is the only key for a peaceful, life-long love life. Whatever it be, my entire idea of love is simply, 
"Love after marriage is only true love and nothing else"....Yes, before marriage I can't accept tat it is love, its something like a liking or attraction towards another person and anybody can go through that....but even that love can be said as a true and genuine one only when it goes on nurturing and budding between the two after wedding as years progress. Now just take a lil' time and think, 'How many of them are like tat??? Why I insist this because, in real life, its after marriage that they go through tough challenges that challenge their true love for each other. It is that period of time when we can see the other person's 'real' and 'true' colour and the challenge about it is, do we continue to love them inspite of their negative characteristics. This is why many love marriages end in a break-up since the couple who love dearly before marriage fail to love each other after marriage. Then what is the use of their love and what is that love that they had? 

                                     So, my conclusion is, I have given my own creation of definition for love which is stated below : 

L - Liking and living for

O - Our

V - Valentine

E - Ever and ever....till our heart stops beating......

so that there is no need for a special day called 'Valentine's day', since each and every day of their life will be cherished as lover's day....................

 Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.  ~Peter Ustinov

DOWRY - payment for a girl's life?????

                                 Since I am a person who had been born and brought up from the Southern part of Tamilnadu in India, it is a place where exists a variety of ethnic customs and traditions accompanied by a conservative kinda people. Though you would have gone through my previous blog posts which pictures most of the beautiful and positive aspects of my place, this time I'm sharing a little bitter truth and information about the people (not the place), which, according to me, is one of the most negative matter I always ponder my mind with. And the thing tat I'm gonna deal with, today is...............of course.........nothing other than the dowry system prevailing here in my place to a very greater extent. 


                               Before going in-depth into my topic, lemme just present an illustration to give a start to it. Just have a look at the two pictures shown below.

Indian bride on her wedding day (before getting married)

A married girl who's tormented for the one and only cause - "Dowry"

                                                         Yes, this is the real portrayal of millions and millions of married girls in India who are going through the rash effects of dowry system. With reference to the two pictures above, when we look at the first picture, its damn cool in the sense that it shows the real 'inside' of the woman....how she feels.......how she enjoys her dreams about her new life. Her whole face is lighted up with extreme happiness and excitement, mainly regarding her soul-mate who's gonna be with her forever. But, on the contrary, when we look at the second one, why??? what happened? where has that blushing face gone? why is the girl's face filled wih 'questions marks' all over her face regarding her life? why??? why???? So many questions can be arised...........The answer?.................The one and only answer is, complete shattering of her dreams. To be more concise, none of her expectations were met in her husband's house. Instead, from the very first day itself, complete package of tortures and torments which were unbearable and shocking that it erased all the happiness in her face into sorrow. The reason behind this??? Dowry............Yes....this is not just a fake or imaginative condition. But, this is really the true harassment that's going on in many ladies' life because of the greediness and cruelty of the bridegroom's family.

                                    I wonder why the people's mentality is like this! Why are girls thought as something which is sold to the bridegroom's family? Isn't she a human being? Doesn't she have any feelings or emotions? Does money and assests and all other materialistic things play an important role in this world than the marriage life which is considered to be so pure? Why is this so? What is this custom? What does property, jewels and money need to make with an entirely different concept of starting a new family life? Are girls that much degradable, cheap and inferior to men? I have many more questions running in my mind...................Feel so pity for ample number of newly married girls who were tormented and chased by their husband and in-laws to get more from their home, as a result of which the daily newspapers get numerous incidents as news where poor, innocent girls commit suicide. Apart from that, the other side is, many of them being murdered for the sake of dowry too. 

                                Here in our district, I've come across, seen and heard about the extreme difficulties that girls face each and everyday because of this dowry harassment. The worst part of this matter is, a woman being an enemy to another woman...the mother-in-laws who make their daughter-in-laws die. But why is this and wats the solution for this? The current situation is , in my opinion, dowry is something which decides the fate of a girl's marriage life. When raking my mind regarding the solution for this, really I can't get a practical answer for this..............The only feeling that I got in my heart was that, when each and every individual take a decision to be against dowry, then that's the time when there will be atleast a tiny start for resolving this problem. But, I am longing for such a period to come in my place when the people become more broad-minded leaving their traditional and conservative thinking. Unless the people come to the ground of humanity, whatever laws or acts our constitution provide would be of no use....I feel!

                               My only desire is that the girls who get married should find their husband's family and house as a Heaven and not as a Hell. But will this current plight of girls change? Will have to wait and see.......
And thats the time I'll feel really happy because really I feel so much bad about this matter......... Always respect a woman and her feelings..............

We must remember that unless and until women are given their rightful place, 

no society or country can progress.
                                   --Prime Minister IK Gujral
                                      On Occasion of India 50

X'Mas 2010 & NewYear 2011 in Nagercoil

                               So, I've given a fresh and hopeful start to this year 2011 and wish that this year will surely be a blessed one. And this is the first post that I'm publishing this year. As I have written many previous blog posts about my hometown Nagercoil, its quite obvious that I always have a zeal to write something abt ma place. And what I'm gonna share today is how was Christmas and New Year celebrated here. This time its gonna be a visual treat since I've taken many snaps exclusively for the sake of this post :-).
                              Basically, an interesting information that I'd lyk to convey is, in the whole state of Tamilnadu, 80% of the christians are residing in Nagercoil, which means that the highly Christian-populated area is our place. Therefore, even as the month of December starts, I get soo excited about x'mas since it will be a really enjoyable celebration. Unlike the X'mas celebrations in the Western countries with snow, candles and Santa, here its a different package of enjoyments like lights, stars, christmas trees, manger, carols, shopping, crackers, family get-togethers, traditional church services and the list goes on like that...............

This is my 'home sweet home'

Magnificient Santa

CSI Home Church ( front view)

Duthie School Junction

State Bank of India, Nagercoil Branch

Side view of another CSI church

Calvary Lutheran Church

Heart of the Town - Tower Junction at its best!

One of my pals' house

                                           I think you'd have enjoyed glancing through ma snaps. Though I was not able to publish all, these are just some of the beautifully decorated ones........tat I thought of publishing them. So, that was how my place would look like at the time of the year end. Anyway, had a nice time enjoying x'mas 2010 and welcoming the year 2011.....:-)

Bye 2010......Hi 2011........

                             As we have have come to the end of this 2010, we're all ready to welcome the fresh new year 2011, with lot of hopes, dreams and goals to be accomplished in the coming year. And, me too, as I am standing at the edge of this year, was just recapping my mind to the start to this 2010 till to-date. So, I just thought of sharing my view about this year in my personal life before entering into the awaiting year. 
                           First and foremost, I really thank the Lord God Almighty for whatever He has done and whatever He's going to do, from the inside of my heart....................And lemme start my review abt tis year!
                          This year, to be very frank, is really a worthless year in one sense for me as well as a worthy one for me in another sense. It is a precious year for me since I learnt a lot in my life and became a lil' bit matured (I think so..........), all because of the sufferings I went throughout this year, specifically 75% of this year. Above all, it was in this year, that I realised the true love of Jesus Christ and became his sweetheart :-). Otherwise, to be more precise, I can say that, the whole of 2010 is the one which I wanted to erase completely from my episode of life. In 2010, I went through lots and lots of untold miseries................but still......I'm happy that, eventhough the start of 2010 was a worst one, the ending of this year is good indeed, when compared to the beginning. God hath done so so much miracles in my life this year and He's the only reason that I'm living today. Since I don't wanna drag the negative and unnecessary aspects, I'll stop here about them and talk about the good and great things........................
                         As I said earlier, this year is also a blessed year in my life because I'm 'born again'.....I would say. Yeah...........I learnt that my Creator has always created me with a great purpose in life and His plans are greater than mine and He has great things in store for me. He has given me all the blessings in life, starting from a very sweet family to a great career for me too. So, I have no words to thank my Lord for whatever I have in my life. 
                        Finally, I am ready to welcome the coming year 2011 too with a good spirit of spirituality, love, joy, peace and perseverance. Looking forward for My Father's word for me tomorrow in the watch-night service at church and for giving a fresh start to the year by offering my worship and prayers.............Awaiting for the budding of the forthcoming blessed year! I wish you all a very happy and prosperous New Year............Commit yourselves to the Lord rather than relying on your sinful selves, and He'll look after you in each and everything......................God Bless You!!!!!

May Lord Almighty make ur year a happy one!
Not by shielding you from all sorrows and pain,
But by strengthening you to bear it, as it comes;
Not by making your path easy,
But by making you sturdy to travel any path;
Not by taking hardships from you,
But by taking fear from your heart;
Not by granting you unbroken sunshine,
But by keeping your face bright, even in the shadows;

PUSH

                 Yep......Pray Until Something Happens (PUSH)........
This is one of the messages that I heard a couple of months ago in my church and today, just as I was having a glance through my notes, I came through this piece of message-yielding scripture part that I felt that I had to share with this world. So here it goes..............................

                                  The part of new testament taken for meditation is Luke 18:1-8

This part of scripture just manifests a simple logical message, that God will surely answer His people if they go on asking Him in prayer. To explain what is said in this short passage from the Bible, in a nutshell, this pictures a story which Jesus narrates to his followers to unveil the matter that everyone should pray without losing hope. It is said that there was a judge in a town who don't care about God or other people, wherein, a widow was also there who wanted a favor to be done for her by him. But he didn't do for a long time, yet she went on pestering him.........So, finally, a moment came when he thought to grant her the favor tat she had requested, thinking that atleast she would stop bothering him anymore. Thus her wish was granted for her. This is the same thing that happens in our life too. When we start crying to our Lord day and night for our problems or desires or anything else, He won't be slow to answer us and finally the wish will be granted for us(b'coz of our continuous prayer).

(1) DON'T  WORRY - PRAY (Phillipines 4:6,7)

                                     Instead of worrying and meditating our problem, its a very wise and apt decision to sit and pray, pouring ourselves whole-heartedly to the Lord God Almighty, so that His peace, which is incomparable to any other feelings that we yield from man will surround us and keep us safe. Worrying and getting depressed paves no way for anything other than the situation getting even worse. For getting the right solution for our troubles, we should seek Him in prayer, giving thanks always.

(2) DON'T  QUIT - PRAY PERSISTENTLY (Psalm 55:15,16,17)

                                   Sometimes, we may not get an answer for our prayer,that is, a solution for our problem as quickly as we desire. So, the acceptable truth is that most of us feel fed up in our lives and stop praying or start to ridicule our God for not giving an answer. But, tats the big fault that we do in our lives. Instead, the correct thing is, we have to sit more in God's presence and start holding His feet, crying to him persistently, for which He'll surely light up our lives, wiping away our tears. After all, He's a very just and faithful God! So, the gist is that our prayer should not be quit at any cost.

(3) DON'T  DOUBT - PRAY POSITIVELY (James 1:6,7 ; I John 5:15)

                                  This is a common thing that we do always. Of course, we pray, worship and we do everything. But our innermost soul and heart won't believe positively. We'll always have a doubt whether the thing we desire would happen. The Holy Bible strictly insists that we shouldn't even have a doubt in the size of a mustard seed. If we have it, then there's no use in asking God for that. When we pray, we should always have the optimistic thought that its going to be done for us. And the ultimate fact is that, it WILL be done for us too.

So....Friends........this is the one of the sermons that got deeply rooted into my inner self and I have experienced it too. I've always experienced a wonderful peace of mind after saying all my miseries to my God, that I won't get from any humans in this world. He's such a counselor, comforter and Helper!We all have just heard the saying,

                                         Prayer Brings Victory

and its so true and it itself conveys the exact message. So, Pray , pray and pray till you get an answer for your matters, however petty or great it may be!

Looking back............

There is no place as sweet as the presence of the Lord. No true and deep as the love of God. No guidance as perfect as the guidance of the Most High. No dreams as great as the will of the Almighty. No medicine as powerful as the blood of Jesus, that can heal, not only physical sickness but also spiritual weakness and wounds. He always is the best, in all ways, and so rejoice, coz you have all right to say

                    "I AM HIS AND HE IS MINE"

                              Yes......Tomorrow is my birthday and just I dedicate this post exclusively for my God who has created me with a purpose and for a purpose and I'm just sitting now and rewinding my mind to years back and forwarding till my present second how I was being led by Him miraculously throughout my life till date, through this rugged path of my lyf journey... I'll just share whatever  the thoughts and experiences and philosophies learnt in my lyf, those I feel that they are worth of disseminating to everyone.

                             Childhood days are really the awesome and beautiful days of anybody's life and tats true for me too.....Wow.... Cute child of an extremely kind and God-fearing parents... Eventhough I can't remember much how I was during my first 4 yrs of age I pretty well remember the emergence of a new family member..yes...my kutti brother....OOhhhh.... Tat was the time when jeni will always be filled with envy and anger because of the fact that her precious love and affection frm her dear parents are going to be shared with another soul too.... That was the time when I was very studious, spiritual (yes..guided by my mom) and chooo naughty and an extremely huggable pet by my parents, sibling as well as by my family...Yes...I was like a star...Everybody likes me and admires me...and ...and...and...no words to say.....a cutie pie I was!

                               Thenn....as usual as I grew up, and ages passed by, a different aspect of journey started and continuing till now.....Yes...unlike the babyhood and childhood stages, which were, of course, a tension and stress-free life, the later on times of life, eventhough they were fascinating too, still I had to strive hard with trials and tribulations in life which are usually given by God to test our faith. As written in I Peter 3:17, if God's will is that, its always better to suffer for doing good. Whatever it may be, in studies or in workplace or in life, God gives us trials just for melting and moulding us to become the appropriate and right vessel that he chooses to be.

                             That too, being as a Christian, the life will not at all be a bed of roses or a bed of soft cotton balls, but its indeed a painful life, which we can withstand and be still rejoicing in the Lord if we catch hold on him, than giving a way for Satan to ruin our life by being trembled with fear or just broken down completely. As stated in Psalm 34:17, God always lends an ear and hears his people if they call out for him and save them from all their troubles....The thing tat we have to do is, just to cast all our burdens and wordly worries upon Jesus and be relaxed and rejoicing in Him. Thats what I have learnt in my life.... When I face problems or situations that are so disconcerting, previously wat I used to do is, go on meditating about the problem and worrying and tat n tis...but when I started to pray and share everything with the Almighty, an extraordinary  peace and contentment tat tis world and its desires wouldn't give us, would surround me and let me live happily.. tats the secret of my happiness....I would say...Yes friends...Our God is so faithful that he never leaves his children astray or as orphans and I am a living example.

                          Another thing tat I experienced in my life is, we may make various plans and decisions and actions in our life, but the ultimate fact is that only the Lord's wish will happen and none of ours. So, its better to offer our lives to Him so that he'll be having great plans for our lives and when we let them happen, those things will be the best in our life. Proverbs 19:21 states this. So, keep everything in prayer and be patient in knowing His will in our lives. Because when we go hastily into our own decisions rather than the Lord's it would bring a great devastating effect in our lives and I've experienced tat too.

                          But, whatever happens in our life, we have to thank God at all times (Ephesians 5:20), because He is good and everything happens to us for a reason. If he takes something away from us, it means that he's having something great in store for us. So, never be discouraged or disappointed at any point in our life. Moreover, as said in Luke 6:27,28 we should love our enemies and pray for those who are cruel to us. I pretty well know that tis is very difficult to follow and even I don't follow, but still, trying to follow, we can do tat...I think so...! Also, as written in James 4:10, its always wise to humble before God's presence so that we'll be honored.

                       Above everything, God protects His children wherever they go with His angels (Psalm 91) and I always thank Him for that....Yes...I always thank Him for giving another new day coz' our life is not in our hands. We can't assure that we'll be alive tomorrow or not. Thats life and its now that I've understood it.

                      So, I don't wanna drag this more...bcoz I'm not a preacher or a puritan or a philosopher to share these things. But the fact is, these are some of the things that I've learnt all these years in my journey of life and I felt tat its always worth sharing good info with others. Ok....so the good msg tat i'm gonna convey for my birthday is,

 

First of all I thank the Almighty for having created me and still guides me and leads me in this tough path of life. Then, my parents, sibling, my dear well-wishers and friends for having made my life colorful. So, be happy and good to the maximum extent. After all,life is a battle field and we are all warriors who are bound to fight a good fight and finally pursue the everlasting crown of life......:-)

                                                        Here are some of my favorite snaps..............

With my cousins and neighbours on my 3rd b'day

my first b'day

@my granny's house.....eeeee......gonna brush my teeth

very pious gal!

going to school...babye

hmmm...somewhat grown up?!

Jeni looking at her hero....great dad!

my second b'day... i think so....not very sure....

I wonder........!!!!

                               Today morning, I was just viewing a video entitled "32 Facts About Boys" and after finished watching it, I'm still wondering whether those stated facts are really true and if so, to what extent are they true.....is a great question mark(?) in my mind. That too, even if I could accept some, others really appear to be very unrealistic and false ones to me. So, folks, just go through them........i have written them below........and plz do comment about wat u think and how do u view it... and please let me know if they are really true or it depends upon the individual souls and there are exceptions.......... So, whatever may be, I want to just know whether these are really 'facts' and that's the purpose of this post of mine. Here comes the 32 facts about boys.

(1)   Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

       (May be true to some extent)

(2)   Guys hate flirts. 

       (yes.. I agree!)

(3)   When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is. 

       (huh...sounds absurd)

(4)   Guys may be flirting all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care   about.

       (I totally disagree with this)

(5)   When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

        (Hmmm....I don't think so...)

(6)   Guys go crazy over a : girl's smile.

        (yep.....exactly true!)

(7)   Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

        (partially agreed)

(8)   When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.

        (I can't accept this)

(9)   When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow"... so true.

        (maybe true)

(10)   You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

         (well........tats ok)

(11)   Guys love their moms.

         (cent percent acceptable)

(12)   A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

         (tats fine...but does this fact holds right for 'everyone'?)

(13)   You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

         (maybe......but can't wholly approve tis)

(14)   If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

        (Nope......not at all.......there are many fake ones too.....)

(15)   Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

         (Yeah...tats rite.....)

(16)   Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.

        (mmm....tats a reasonable and acceptable truth)

(17)   Guys are very open about themselves.

          (No...they are not always.......)

(18)   It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long.

         (yup.. tats correct. But it lies in the hands of females)

(19)   Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

          (I doubt!)

(20)   Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

          (Maybe... tis s a fact)

(21)   If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice......... very true.

         (tat sounds true....)

(22)   A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

         (Oh really? I  wonder!)

(23)   Guys keep secrets that girls tell them.

          (No. Not always...)

(24)   Guys think too much.

          (Yes)

(25)   Guys fantasies are unlimited.

          (Is it so?)

(26)   Girls' height really doesn't matter to a guy.

         (well... it depends.....upon the persons....I guess)

(27)   Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!

          (tis too doesn't apply to all...... I think so....)

(28)   Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

         (Correct!)

(29)   You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

           (S.....provided he's not acting as if he's praying)

(30)   If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

         (yeah...)

(31)   Guys hate girls who overreact.

         (Oh...)

(32)   Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your relationship.

          (I agree this by approving the 'if' part)

                          So.............My goodness!...............these are the 32 facts about boys...it seems........

But what I wanted to get clarified is, are all these really true to the best or it varies from person to person? B'coz personally I feel that, all doesn't hold true. To be more precise, it doesn't prove to be right for 90% of the guys. So, friends, jst tell me what you think about this and what's ur opinion.